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Post by Mistress Wisewings on Aug 14, 2007 1:16:53 GMT -6
I found most of these in the newest edition of the Reader's Digest. Their latest issue has lots of funny things in here.
1. "All you idiots, fall out!" shouted the sergeant at the soldiers standing in formation. As the rest of the squad dispersed, one soldier remained at attention. The sergeant stalked over and raised a single eyebrow. The private grinned. "Sure was a lot of them, huh, sir?"
2. What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine? A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down
3. First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
4. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the section on self-help?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
5. Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.
6. When I was in London, I went to buy some chocolates. The cashier was like, "That will be ten pounds." I'm like, "Rub it in, why don't you?"
7. What's the difference between a man and a dog running? one wears trousers and the other pants
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Post by Mistress Whiskers on Aug 14, 2007 21:59:13 GMT -6
lol
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Post by Mistress Wisewings on Aug 20, 2007 1:13:06 GMT -6
here are some funny quotes I found one day
1. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
2. Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.
3. He who laughs last didn't get it.
4. There are three sides of an arguement -- your side, my side and the right side.
5. Life is simple, its just not easy.
Here are some more funny stuff I found:
Bumper Stickers:
Buckle up... it makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of your car IF THIS STICKER IS GETTING SMALLER, THE LIGHT IS PROBABLY GREEN Caution: I brake for no apparent reason. Don't Follow me I am LOST!!! F U Cn Rd Ths U Cnt Spl Wrth A Dm! Horn Broken ... Watch For Finger. I can go from zero to bitch in 2.2 seconds. I have PMS and a handgun. Any Questions?? I wonder if you would drive well if that cell phone were up your ass. If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane.
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Post by Mistress Whiskers on Aug 24, 2007 23:02:12 GMT -6
lol
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Post by Mistress Wisewings on Sept 2, 2007 22:29:27 GMT -6
here's some funny away messages i found on a site today:
-I am not here right now so leave a message and it will be deleted once it was recieved -Hello. You have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are, where you are from, and what you want so there is no need to leave a message. -Don't you hate it when people leave away messages that don't tell where they are or when they'll be back? -Hi, this is No One, and No One is here right now, so No One will be back soon -Has your mind ever just gone blank? Well sometimes that happens to me and...WHAT? What was I talking about? My mind just went blank.
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Post by Mistress Whiskers on Sept 6, 2007 0:04:37 GMT -6
lol
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